I had a fight with Artem. I shouldn't have tho. I'm so tired of fighting about dirty dishes - it's terrible. I feel horrible even though I shouldn't. Because neither of us are wrong. He's not wrong for asking me to put the dishes back and I'm not wrong for trying to do something to improve things.
And I feel bad for telling Chris that Anton being gone for a week means free rides for me. Only after I said it and thought about it I realized how bad this phrase can be turned around. And Chris couldn't wait to tell Artem. Asshole. But I can't expect much from Chris. These guys tolerate him and he needs to get other friends to be able to see how much he needs to change.
And you know what I've learned? I need to stop trying to change the world. Because I simply cannot go against everyone. And quite frankly, I don't want to.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
our twins
It's funny how our twins sometimes are so far away from being twins. Maybe they just got sick of everyone thinking they're the same person that they've decided to just be different? Afterall, like repel but unlike attract!
Anyways, I was just making myself tea and was getting my cup when I noticed how their cups were kinda leaning on each other. And imagine this - such contrast!
Anton's cup is white with a logo of his company - made for some convention or presentation in 2004. It is tall and rather slim (more because it's tall).
Artem's cup is plain black with a white inside and has no decorations on it. It is probably almost half the height of Anton's cup and is wider than Anton's.
Nature - go figure!
Anyways, I was just making myself tea and was getting my cup when I noticed how their cups were kinda leaning on each other. And imagine this - such contrast!
Anton's cup is white with a logo of his company - made for some convention or presentation in 2004. It is tall and rather slim (more because it's tall).
Artem's cup is plain black with a white inside and has no decorations on it. It is probably almost half the height of Anton's cup and is wider than Anton's.
Nature - go figure!
uSED
Call me typical, call me boring, but yes, right now I'm feeling used.
No matter how nice this city of Waterloo is, how simple and open people are here, for some reason I can feel the cold side of it with every inch of my skin.
Whether I walk by the construction workers with a frown and, when glancing at them, I can't hold but smile back to their smiling faces and hear "There you go! You look much prettier with a smile!" or when I sit on the stairs in the quiet corner of my home university and everyone politely says "Sorry" and walks around me (despite the fact that I'm blocking like 2/3 of the stairway!) - this city, town, whatever, seems to be just one huge pile of kindness, openness and willingness (to help, of course!).
There are so many faces around me everyday - those I meet for a brief moment with my gaze or those I talk to one day or another in class - there are just so many incredible, smart, educated, polite and understanding people, it's amazing how I manage to surround myself with individuals so cold and cruelly ignorant to myself.
Am I just plain selfish? Is it so bold of me to ask so much in return for my friendship? It seems that I am surrounded by people with souls of cold, sleek steel like a shiny knife, with their words-blades out, ready to slice the skin in a papercut-thin ornaments.
Yes, I feel used. Not often and not always by the same. Those who are more lazy than me, who are used to put in rather little effort just enough to get by, seem to look forward working with me, seem to know that I am always ready to help out those in need (regardless of the need's size) - for many have done the same for me.
And those who are admittedly better than me - yes, they seem to be doing better in school than yours truly - use me to gloat. In small ways, in big ways, I seem to be a good milestone to look back (down?) at. Who gives them the right to judge my abilities when their own aren't that much greater? For some reason I can't bring myself to do the same...
I need to learn. No, not school work - that is an ongoing process, started about 12-14 years ago. I need to learn to be cold for I have already learned who I should be cold to. And it looks like it will be easy. I need to stay strong, no matter what. Maybe it's just me whining. Or maybe it's just a person being alone. And being left alone.
No matter how nice this city of Waterloo is, how simple and open people are here, for some reason I can feel the cold side of it with every inch of my skin.
Whether I walk by the construction workers with a frown and, when glancing at them, I can't hold but smile back to their smiling faces and hear "There you go! You look much prettier with a smile!" or when I sit on the stairs in the quiet corner of my home university and everyone politely says "Sorry" and walks around me (despite the fact that I'm blocking like 2/3 of the stairway!) - this city, town, whatever, seems to be just one huge pile of kindness, openness and willingness (to help, of course!).
There are so many faces around me everyday - those I meet for a brief moment with my gaze or those I talk to one day or another in class - there are just so many incredible, smart, educated, polite and understanding people, it's amazing how I manage to surround myself with individuals so cold and cruelly ignorant to myself.
Am I just plain selfish? Is it so bold of me to ask so much in return for my friendship? It seems that I am surrounded by people with souls of cold, sleek steel like a shiny knife, with their words-blades out, ready to slice the skin in a papercut-thin ornaments.
Yes, I feel used. Not often and not always by the same. Those who are more lazy than me, who are used to put in rather little effort just enough to get by, seem to look forward working with me, seem to know that I am always ready to help out those in need (regardless of the need's size) - for many have done the same for me.
And those who are admittedly better than me - yes, they seem to be doing better in school than yours truly - use me to gloat. In small ways, in big ways, I seem to be a good milestone to look back (down?) at. Who gives them the right to judge my abilities when their own aren't that much greater? For some reason I can't bring myself to do the same...
I need to learn. No, not school work - that is an ongoing process, started about 12-14 years ago. I need to learn to be cold for I have already learned who I should be cold to. And it looks like it will be easy. I need to stay strong, no matter what. Maybe it's just me whining. Or maybe it's just a person being alone. And being left alone.
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