Resolutions of the 21st year of life

Well, well... Goya is right - we are always followed by evil demons that will make us pay for the happiness, however short, we experience.

I have met New Years sitting on a couch in front of TV in pajamas and with a glass of wine in my hand. I was watching the show downtown as they've counted down the last moments of year 2006. I have counted with the crowd, slowly shouting the moments left of the year in my mind. Once the countdown reached zero and the crowd went ecstatic from all the joy, happiness, fireworks, smiling faces under the winter rain (yeah!) I couldn't help but to let go that huge blob of happiness, mixed with pain, sorrow, joy and a dozen more emotions and break into tears. Those were true tears of joy that finally my life is back to where I wanted it to be - on track towards success, joy, laughter, wine and other pleasant things.

Little I knew how shockingly soon I will be paying for those painfully pleasant tears! I am talking about the most recent Saturday night of my life. I look back at it and a ripple of goosebumps runs at the back of my neck.

No, I am not sorry for what happened. I was drunk and surrounded by a bunch of people who were not yet my friends however they were close enough so that I didn't have to have my guard up. Have I been among solemnly the people I have in person invited, I highly doubt anything like that would happen. But it did.

However, I am terrified. I am angry at myself for letting myself become who I am now. Tell me this 5 years ago and I would not believe that I am the same person. It seems that it is almost too late to do anything about this, however I cannot idly sit and watch myself like this. On the other hand, unfortunately the situation has gone far enough and requires tremendous effort on my part. I need to work hard and keep my goals clear. Self criticism is strictly enforced and any outside comments are strongly encouraged.

And now something that's been needed to be done a long time ago. As my New Year's resolution, I am adding No more tequila as another one to the few on my list. From now on no shot that I consume will be tequila or have anything to do with tequila. Of all things I've had so far in my life, I have the worst experiences (note the plural state!) because of this vile drink.

And last but not least, I need some alone time. All this trumpery is because it's been only one day since the dreaded party and I'll feel better about this as time goes by and separates today from that awful event.